Archive for the ‘babies are terrifying’ Category

yes I know that last post basically guarantees that I will get knocked up within the next three months
July 11, 2012

If you’re reading this, future child/casualty of karma and/or irresponsible use of birth control, remember that mommy and daddy love you very much.



reasons why we’re not having kids anytime soon
July 11, 2012

The long answer: Because I’m convinced that it’s kids, not marriage, that fundamentally changes absolutely everything. Because I still sleep until noon on Saturdays. (Yes, still.) Because I’m pretty sure I had postpartum anxiety just from getting a puppy, and I didn’t even give birth to her. Because I’m absolutely terrified of vomiting (both the idea of me doing it because of an alien being growing inside of me and the idea of that alien being eventually emerging from my body and doing it – gah!) Because I want to enjoy being married for a bit. Because I’m addicted to the spicy crunch tuna roll from the sushi place down the block. Because I’m terrified I’ll start deeming those absurdly mundane baby-related Facebook statuses cropping up on my Newsfeed socially acceptable, or, god forbid, start posting some myself. Because I really love my skinny white jeans and skinny neon blue jeans and short shorts that just fit around my only-hiding-that-breakfast-sandwich-I-ate-this-morning waistline. Because I hate the idea that people think they have the right to automatically ask you this question as soon as you have a proper husband. Because we have so little money in such an expensive city with such fantastic food that really, I believe, deserves the portion of my paychecks that I suppose would otherwise go to diapers. Because David’s still in training and I refuse to cop out from my career until I’ve tried at least a little bit longer, a little bit harder to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Because, wow, I’m so not ready.

The short answer: Because one is enough, thank you very much.

*No, we don’t routinely swaddle our goldendoodle. (She’s nearly two, after all!) She’s just 1- pretty obsessed with my best friend, Meg and 2- pretty obsessed with the the futon that Meg slept on while she was crashing here for a few weeks. Someone had a hard time letting go when we stripped the sheets and put the futon back up into its upright position.