This is so spot on:
“You’ve never seen her, but you’ve given her a style (quaint!), an occupation (brain surgeon!) an apartment layout, a knowledge of local breweries and a disdain for meat. She doesn’t want to be a writer but she happens to write more coherent prose than you. Whoops! And when she smiles she gets these fucking wrinkles at her temples that even you want to kiss. And god, those hours of charity she does. Those millions of hours with those children who hug her kneecaps when they see her. She knows how to tie all the sailing knots! She’s your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend!”
Are you not reading Emma Barrie? You should be.