a tad obsessed

Coming clean about my latest girl crush ended up totally backfiring on me, as I seem to have somehow spent the entire day thoroughly stalking Vera Mindy Chokalingam online. I’d done some research on her before, to be sure, but I think I crossed some sort of line today, between the googling and the clip watching and the wikipedia reading. I now know the name of her boyfriend, the name of her high school, the name of the award-winning play in which she starred as Ben Affleck two years after graduating from the Big Green.

Unsurprisingly, most of the things I discovered about my new favorite IAP (sorry, Amu) just made me swoon even more. Like that she wrote my favorite Office episode ever, and worked for the Dartmouth paper (coincidentally titled, The Dartmouth) once upon a time. I was even charmed by the fact that she admitted on her very public (and fabulous) shopping blog to having oily skin, and getting pimples and UTIs. I know, that shit should totally just gross me out, but by that point I was going through her 2006 archives post by post, clearly in way too deep to not be oddly intrigued and comforted by her urinary issues. Like, wow, I’ve had a UTI too. One more thing in common with Mindy Kaling! (FML.)

Of course, this was all leading up to a predictable end. My online obsessions always follow the same tell-tale course: (1) fascination, (2) recognition (that’s how I feel about EMS too! what are the odds?), (3) obsession and then, ultimately, (4) depression, whereupon I realize that a – I am not, in fact, Mindy Kaling and b- I am not, in fact, friends with Mindy Kaling. And never will be.

And then I feel bad about myself. Does this happen to anyone else? I’ve always been a big compare-myself-to-others kind of girl, but I feel like this unfortunate personality trait has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. Probably because now, people who are easily comparable to me (in age, education, etc.) actually are doing really cool shit, as opposed to just like making it past the second round of sorority rush or winning a spot on the JV soccer team. The nerve!

I don’t have the heart to insert a corny, uplifting paragraph here about how if I set my mind to it, I can do anything, and I shouldn’t be concerned with others and blah blah blah, because, let’s face it, no matter how hard I wish it, I will never be Mindy Kaling. But I guess the truth is that all I can really do is be me and hope for the best. And while I’m fairly confident an Office writing gig probably isn’t in my future, the shopping? Oh, Mindy. In that field, I can totally hold my own.


2 Responses

  1. Rach, I really liked the honesty in this one! The second to last paragraph totally struck a chord with me, and it’s sure to strike a chord with a lot of other people our age. The funny thing is, I read your blog, and I see where you’ve traveled, and I look at your life as a professional writer, and I think, “wow, Rach is really doing something cool with her career and life.” We never see things clearly from the inside of our own looking glass.

    • Thanks, Caity. Appreciated this:)

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