This? Was a success. I went for my final follow-up earlier this week and apparently I now have 20/20 vision! From 20/400.
For those of you who didn’t have to endure the Great Glasses Breakdown of ’09, just know that this is a very, very good thing. I somehow became allergic to my contact lenses last May and, unlike a normal, well-adjusted adult, was completely unable to cope. I had worn contacts every day for 13 years and suddenly was slammed with a totally unspecific diagnosis (“you can’t wear contacts. you can’t get lasik”) that left me in tears.
I stayed in tears for basically the entire first week after the lovely Dr. Adelson shot my dream of ever wearing contacts again to hell. I knew, on some level, that it really wasn’t that big of a deal, that I was overreacting and should be grateful for my overall health, but every time I looked in the mirror and saw my heinously unattractive reflection*, the tears immediately started again.
Now, I’m not a religious person, but I’m pretty sure that it was divine intervention that finally allowed me to kick this week-long tantrum. All of a sudden, I started seeing blind people everywhere I went. Seriously. At the post office? Blind person buying stamps. Outside on a sunny day? Blind person strolling through Dupont, enjoying the beautiful weather that he couldn’t even fully experience. By the time a guy with a seeing eye dog got onto my metro car, I threw my hands in the air. “I get it,” I said out loud. At which point I became the crazy girl on the train, albeit the crazy girl who had finally realized that glasses weren’t the end of the world.
To be honest, I did continue to feel pretty ugly for the 6 months, 16 days I had to wear glasses. But I invoked Tina Fey and Harry Potter, bought a pair of Kate Spade frames, watched this incessantly and started seeing a few new doctors in Philly. And eventually? One of them pointed a laser at my eye for 20 seconds and gave me perfect eyesight.
Yeah, I’m a little less Liz Lemon now. But, like Jack Donaghy said, I do want to get married one day. More on that tomorrow.
*I really do look awful in glasses. Promise. Everyone kept telling me that they were cute, blah blah blah, but as soon as I got the surgery, Dave was like, um yeah you look a lot better.